Monday, November 2, 2015

Relationships... Don't Stay When It's Time To Go!!

Yes loves. I'm speaking on it. A lot of you will be uneasy but most will be enlightened and relieved. 

I am recently divorced, after almost 3 years of marriage, and it was by far one of the best decisions of my life. 

Let's start from the beginning...

When getting in to a committed relationship, most women are excited and feel like they've "won". After watching Disney princess movies during our childhood and fantasizing of meeting our perfect prince charming while living happily ever after, when we finally settle down and get someone to commit, we are over the moon and feel accomplished. The fact that it took a commitment from a man to make us feel complete and "accomplished" is the beginning of this centuries old problem. 

Now, here we are, in the relationship we thought we wanted since childhood. Society, along with our own desperation, makes us believe that we are now complete. As a woman who has wanted this moment forever, we certainly don't want to be incomplete so we begin to change. We start to compromise who we are to be who he wants and needs. Before we know it, we are miserable because we don't even know who we are anymore, while he hasn't changed much at all and is actually getting worse each month because we are spoiling them rotten. We are now accepting things that we used to find unacceptable. 

Classic line:
Friend: "Damn, your dude is a cheating asshole" 
Me: "Well atleast he's MY cheating asshole"
*side eye*

After a few months or years, we are now attached. Mentally, physically, financially and even spiritually. We now feel that we can't possibly let go. Some of us are being cheated on, some being beaten physically, some are mentally abused and just simply unappreciated... But, we stay. 


We are worth more. We deserve more. Fellas too, because these "new school bitches" are beasts and are currently manhandling men. It's not ok. 

It all starts with erasing this age old belief that being with a significant other makes us better or complete. If we knew how amazing we truly were, we'd appreciate our time alone so much more. We are so quick to share ourselves with someone else simply because we don't want to be lonely or alone. Fuck that! Why waste time with someone temporary when we could be spending that precious time on ourselves? 
*Lord I need to take some of this advice*

And now we are fed up. Stressed and depressed. Angry and feeling alone after all. We've wasted precious time... And then,, we repeat the process. 
*like, wtf*

I left. And I am so happy I left. I was scared to leave for many reasons. It kept me in a horribly dysfunctional relationship for years. But I found the strength. I left. And it feels so good. 

Now this certainly doesn't apply to every one and every relationship. I know many happy couples. I know good stand up women and mature responsible men. 
But I also have a sister who was in a mentally and physically abusive relationship for 15 years, I have a good good girlfriend who is married and miserable, I have a bestie who's been in an off and on relationship with "HER" cheater for 8 years, I know a muslimah who shares her man with cowives even though her husband doesn't take care of them the way Allah (swt) has prescribed, I know an amazing man and father who is verbally abused by his child's mother daily, I know a mother who shares her childrens father with multiple women just so they can see their dad regularly. I was married to a man who NEVER told me I was beautiful, never protected me when I needed it, never supported my crazy ideas, never even said my stew chicken was yummy, tuh! 
This message is for us. 

These are simply my opinions. 

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