Tuesday, January 12, 2016

Side Chicks and Side Dudes... Why They Are Currently Winning!

We see it everywhere we look. The side dudes and side chicks are on the come up and are totally winning these days,,, IF that's what you consider winning. *the shade*

Back in the days, being someone's "side piece" was a hidden secret thing that brought shame to the said side piece. These days it's a totally different ball game. Side pieces are actually replacing spouses and families. Side pieces are not only becoming a permanent fixture in the life of the cheater, but they are now becoming the spouses and getting the houses, cars and vacations. Smmfh. 

But, this isn't the obvious bashing of the side piece post. This post will, instead, shed light on why the side pieces are now in high demand and are getting EVERYTHING. 

You fools aren't doing your jobs!!! 

Side pieces are winning because they are ready and willing to please the cheater by any means necessary. They go above and beyond to satisfy the said cheater. Making the cheater happy is their main goal. While the spouse or "main piece" has gotten comfortable and lazy with their title. No longer doing everything possible to keep their spouse satisfied, getting sloppy and fat, no more surprises to keep your honey excited and interested. These cheaters sometimes feel backed in to a corner that only a side piece can get them out of. Some side pieces even put themselves in danger by participating in illegal activities. Anything to please and be in favor of the cheater. 

Let me get a little more detailed and give you a personal example (I'm always throwing myself under the bus to help you guys out lol)... So, I was in a relationship for over 5 years with my boyfriend at the time. He was so perfect in the 1st few years. Always telling me I'm beautiful, taking me all over town to wine and dine me, taking me on adventures to other cities, giving me the most amazing sex and constantly reassuring me that he had my back always. A few years in and all of these things slowed down dramatically. I continued to love him the same, but he fell off more and more. I began feeling unworthy and unappreciated. It caused arguments and what I like to call "scars on the relationship". After 5 years together, we hardly romanced eachother or even spoke to each other much. We loved eachother very much but I don't think we liked eachother that much anymore. No matter how much I tried, he was comfortable and assumed that since I was "his" he had nothing to worry about. I started going out more and getting the attention that I lacked at home. I met a friend, also known as, a side piece. He reminded me how beautiful I was, how worthy of love I was, how smart I was, how desired I was. My side piece took me places and showed me things. He taught me things, protected me and supported me. He was my everything! Something my man forgot to be ... Needless to say, I didn't end up with either one of them. Messy situations never work out in the end. 
*Note: It's always best to make yourself feel amazing so that your not expecting it from someone else*

I say that to say, STAY ON POINT with your significant other. Don't leave any room for someone to slip in and do better than you. As humans, we lose interest quickly. You must do all that you can to keep your honey happy, interested and satisfied. Everyone wants to feel special and needed therefore It's your job to keep giving your love that feeling of being desired. Because, there is always a side piece lurking on the outskirts waiting for you to slip up and snatch up what's yours. No matter how long you're together, always go super hard for the one you love.

The Chronicles of Bee Darling... My Opinions, My Stories, My Bullshit!

Dope Chick... Crystal Stoute

Of course I'm featuring my amazing business partner and friend as my first "Dope Chick". Duh, why wouldn't I. *flips hair*

Crystal Stoute, a phenomenal woman and friend. 

Super exciting story follows... Keep reading. 

I first met Crys about 7 or 8 years ago when I was a party animal and an addicted to clubbing 7 days a week. Crystal is by far one of the best NYC club connoisseurs ever, and I'm not just saying that. Her fashion sense, ability to decipher the movers and shakers and her West Indian "take no shit" attitude, allows her to be a force that's not to be fucked with. 

After a few years of seeing her manhandling the NYC club scene I decided to speak. It's only right to be polite with someone you see so often. However, Miss Stoute wanted nothing to do with my "Hello's". No matter how often I smiled and greeted her, I would receive a blank stare and an occasional rolling of the eyes. For some reason I continued to greet her.

One night, after far too many drinks, I said "Goodnight" to Crystal as I was exiting the club. I recieved her usual "I am not interested" stare, and due to the ridiculous amount of Patron I consumed that night, I got all the way in my feelings and yelled out something unkind to her, then left. 
The next night, as I arrive to yet another club, Crystal wasted no time and asked "What did you say yesterday?". I thought to myself, Uh oh ... But, after a brief and very mature conversation, we decided to squash it and start over... That was the beginning of one of my most cherished friendships. 

Fast forward a few years and I can truly say I admire this woman. She works so hard and almost non stop. She is fabulous in the way she carries herself and demands respect. Her fashion sense and stylish  choices give me goosebumps. She's a family woman who goes to bat for her loved ones. And astly, she is the type of friend I'd pay top dollar to keep. The type of friend girls pray for. So genuine and sincere and always in  your corner. Crystal is what I like to call "one of the real ones". Something we can't say often these days.

A few years later I approached Crystal with a business proposal and being the optimistic opportunist that she is, she jumped right aboard. Once again proving to me how astounding she truly is.

I adore this girl!

A year later we are business owners, pahtnahs (as we like to jokingly say) and FRIENDS.
How cool is that.

My first "Dope Chick", and rightfully so, is Crystal Stoute, a phenomenal woman and friend.

Monday, January 11, 2016

Situationships... Am I Single Or Taken?

 My first blog post for the New Year,, I thought I'd make it count by addressing what most of my peers are talking about... 

 My simple definition of situationship is a relationship that doesn't have a title or definition but should due to the type of activities that take place in said relationship. 

So you met someone. They are cool enough to go on a few dates. You get along great and decide to get intimate and have sex. The sex is so bomb, you begin staying over very often. A few months go by and you are now food shopping and cleaning the apartment together. You then begin spending holidays together. Everyone knows you're a couple... But you!!! 

This is the new wave of relationships and I hate it. 

This kind of relationship is mostly empty and meaningless. Often leaving one or both parties confused and frustrated. Almost always ending in heartbreak and anger. 
I'll tell you how I got out of my situationship and in to a defined and meaningful relationship. 


Is he mine? Am I his? Are we together? Can I date someone else? Is he dating someone else? Does he want a future with me? What are we doing?
All questions I constantly asked myself in my situationship. I drove my bestfriend crazy with these questions. No matter how much he said "Just ask him Bahiyah", I refused. My pride said "fuck that, let him ask me". My frustrations said "he doesn't deserve me anyway". My emotional side said "why doesn't he like me". And my thug side said "I don't want that dude anyway". All of which left me frustrated, confused and angry. 
Instead of just simply communicating and asking, I instead decided to fall back and start separating myself (CLASSIC MISTAKE!!). I was too pig headed and stuck in my ways to make an effort with a man that I truly adored. A man that was everything I asked for. A man that I loved. 

Thank God I put my pride aside and finally decided to communicate and talk, and lord was it worth it. I ended up in a very healthy and loving relationship with lots of communication and compromise. It's not perfect but it's much better. It's not some juvenile situationship. It's now a mature adult relationship. 

My advice to all of you in situationships, (don't deny it, you know who you are), is to communicate. If you're confused, ask questions. If you're frustrated, speak up. As adults, we have no more time to waste on empty relationships. If you and your "companion" are not on the same page then move on. Get with someone with the same future goals and aspirations and lock them in. Be sure to communicate. And lastly, please remember, this is your life and if your companion doesn't want to communicate or plan for the future with you, drop them and run! 
You deserve to have exactly what you want.