Monday, January 11, 2016

Situationships... Am I Single Or Taken?

 My first blog post for the New Year,, I thought I'd make it count by addressing what most of my peers are talking about... 

 My simple definition of situationship is a relationship that doesn't have a title or definition but should due to the type of activities that take place in said relationship. 

So you met someone. They are cool enough to go on a few dates. You get along great and decide to get intimate and have sex. The sex is so bomb, you begin staying over very often. A few months go by and you are now food shopping and cleaning the apartment together. You then begin spending holidays together. Everyone knows you're a couple... But you!!! 

This is the new wave of relationships and I hate it. 

This kind of relationship is mostly empty and meaningless. Often leaving one or both parties confused and frustrated. Almost always ending in heartbreak and anger. 
I'll tell you how I got out of my situationship and in to a defined and meaningful relationship. 


Is he mine? Am I his? Are we together? Can I date someone else? Is he dating someone else? Does he want a future with me? What are we doing?
All questions I constantly asked myself in my situationship. I drove my bestfriend crazy with these questions. No matter how much he said "Just ask him Bahiyah", I refused. My pride said "fuck that, let him ask me". My frustrations said "he doesn't deserve me anyway". My emotional side said "why doesn't he like me". And my thug side said "I don't want that dude anyway". All of which left me frustrated, confused and angry. 
Instead of just simply communicating and asking, I instead decided to fall back and start separating myself (CLASSIC MISTAKE!!). I was too pig headed and stuck in my ways to make an effort with a man that I truly adored. A man that was everything I asked for. A man that I loved. 

Thank God I put my pride aside and finally decided to communicate and talk, and lord was it worth it. I ended up in a very healthy and loving relationship with lots of communication and compromise. It's not perfect but it's much better. It's not some juvenile situationship. It's now a mature adult relationship. 

My advice to all of you in situationships, (don't deny it, you know who you are), is to communicate. If you're confused, ask questions. If you're frustrated, speak up. As adults, we have no more time to waste on empty relationships. If you and your "companion" are not on the same page then move on. Get with someone with the same future goals and aspirations and lock them in. Be sure to communicate. And lastly, please remember, this is your life and if your companion doesn't want to communicate or plan for the future with you, drop them and run! 
You deserve to have exactly what you want. 

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