One Of The Best Days of My Life ... Wait For It!!

Hey loves. It's been a month since I've blogged. Sometimes it takes me a while to write to you guys because I am painfully shy and I truly can't believe I share so much with you. Sometimes I get so shy and I crawl back in to my shell and tuck my shell away in a dark cave... but I'm back with a juicy story and a life lesson. 

Keep reading!! 

So, I wanna tell you guys about one of the best days of my life... The day I divorced my ex husband.  

3 years of marriage and I truly didn't realize how unhappy I was until I left. Us women tend to "make the most" of situations and don't even realize how much of ourselves we are sacrificing and changing,, ultimately resulting in a person we don't even recognize or know anymore. That was my case. 

Before marrying said ex husband, I was a devout and straight laced muslimah. I was in the masjid every single day, and wouldn't leave until I prayed Isha (the 5th and last required daily prayer for muslims). I studied and went to classes. I dressed the part, never showing my stuff off (method man voice). I was happy, felt beautiful, and felt as though I was exactly where I belonged. 

After a year of marriage I gained 100 pounds, my hair fell out, my skin was atrocious, I was sad and angry all the time, I stopped studying, started losing my faith, stopped going to the masjid, slowed down my prayers, and even worse I suddenly became sick all the time (aches, pains, colds and flu, and lots more). I looked in the mirror and would cry at what I saw. I ultimately became a very angry person. I was a nightmare to my husband and anyone around me. It was safe to say I was completely miserable. 

I had a feeling it was the marriage but it was hard to see clearly as I kept lying to myself and started believing my lies that "my husband was a good man".

One day, I got in from work and out of concern for my deen/religion, I asked him "why don't we pray anymore?", this asshole responds and says "I pray every day, in the bedroom, without you"... I was divorced within 15 minutes from the moment he said those words. 

It was like every evil thing he did and was doing became extremely visible in that moment. I couldn't believe the man I called my husband for 3 years was sneaking away and praying without me. *for all non muslims, this is a major no no and considered extremely wrong and disrespectful*... It was then that I realized all the damage I ALLOWED him to do. I got fat and ugly and my hair fell out and I was sad and miserable and suddenly mean and worst of all, I lost my religion. My beloved Islam was no longer in my heart. I was livid!! 

After the divorce I WAS SOOOOOO HAPPY. I was skipping around and smiling and laughing and I was kind and considerate. I lost 60 pounds immediately, my skin cleared up and my hair started growing. I looked fucking good. I felt absolutely amazing. I couldn't believe I was in such a dark and clouded situation. 

Unfortunately my passion and love for Islam never truly returned. Although I still practice and consider myself Muslim, the things my ex did made me look at Muslim men different. It made me look at brothers and sisters in Islam differently. It made me question everything. How could a man who spent his entire life studying Islam and spent most of his days and nights in the masjid be so cruel and inconsiderate? How could my in-laws treat me so cold and mean when they were also devout muslims? Although I am smart enough to know all muslims aren't the same, and Muslims should not determine how one looks at Islam as a religion, it still left a bad taste in my mouth. I was born Muslim but never truly practiced until I was 30. I fell in love with Islam and every single detail. But they ruined my flawless perception of what I considered Islam and Muslims to be. *To all the Muslims reading this, my apologies, I am simply being honest*

Although I lost my passion for Islam due to my marriage, I've gained Bahiyah back after my divorce. I haven't been this passionate about love and life in years. I exercise daily and feel fit and fabulous. I eat better so I feel healthier. My hair is fuller than its been in 3 years. My skin is glowing. I am in a committed and loving relationship with someone who clearly knows my worth. I am HAPPY!!! 

I say alllll of that to say... Don't waste your years and sanity on an empty relationship that's going nowhere fast. Don't let desperation for a relationship/marriage/companionship allow you to lose all that you love including yourself. We all know how good it feels to have a significant other but we need to get familiar with how good it feels to love ourselves and go hard for ourselves and to put us FIRST!!  So many of my sisters and some brothers are so miserable and stagnated. Stuck. Lost. Ugly fat and pimple faced. All for what we think is love. 

The happiest day of my life was walking away from that man and our marriage. Go ahead and make that choice, if necessary, and also experience the happiest day of your life. 

My Stories, My Opinions, My Bullshit...

The Chronicles of Bee Darling!

P.S. I write these stories because I needed these stories throughout life. I write these stories because I get 51946329 emails after I post screaming "Thank You Bee, I needed that".

I write these stories for my sisters, brothers, friends, family and enemies so they don't have to go through what I've been through and can make better decisions than me. 

That is all

Side Chicks and Side Dudes... Why They Are Currently Winning!

We see it everywhere we look. The side dudes and side chicks are on the come up and are totally winning these days,,, IF that's what you consider winning. *the shade*

Back in the days, being someone's "side piece" was a hidden secret thing that brought shame to the said side piece. These days it's a totally different ball game. Side pieces are actually replacing spouses and families. Side pieces are not only becoming a permanent fixture in the life of the cheater, but they are now becoming the spouses and getting the houses, cars and vacations. Smmfh. 

But, this isn't the obvious bashing of the side piece post. This post will, instead, shed light on why the side pieces are now in high demand and are getting EVERYTHING. 

You fools aren't doing your jobs!!! 

Side pieces are winning because they are ready and willing to please the cheater by any means necessary. They go above and beyond to satisfy the said cheater. Making the cheater happy is their main goal. While the spouse or "main piece" has gotten comfortable and lazy with their title. No longer doing everything possible to keep their spouse satisfied, getting sloppy and fat, no more surprises to keep your honey excited and interested. These cheaters sometimes feel backed in to a corner that only a side piece can get them out of. Some side pieces even put themselves in danger by participating in illegal activities. Anything to please and be in favor of the cheater. 

Let me get a little more detailed and give you a personal example (I'm always throwing myself under the bus to help you guys out lol)... So, I was in a relationship for over 5 years with my boyfriend at the time. He was so perfect in the 1st few years. Always telling me I'm beautiful, taking me all over town to wine and dine me, taking me on adventures to other cities, giving me the most amazing sex and constantly reassuring me that he had my back always. A few years in and all of these things slowed down dramatically. I continued to love him the same, but he fell off more and more. I began feeling unworthy and unappreciated. It caused arguments and what I like to call "scars on the relationship". After 5 years together, we hardly romanced eachother or even spoke to each other much. We loved eachother very much but I don't think we liked eachother that much anymore. No matter how much I tried, he was comfortable and assumed that since I was "his" he had nothing to worry about. I started going out more and getting the attention that I lacked at home. I met a friend, also known as, a side piece. He reminded me how beautiful I was, how worthy of love I was, how smart I was, how desired I was. My side piece took me places and showed me things. He taught me things, protected me and supported me. He was my everything! Something my man forgot to be ... Needless to say, I didn't end up with either one of them. Messy situations never work out in the end. 

*Note: It's always best to make yourself feel amazing so that your not expecting it from someone else*

I say that to say, STAY ON POINT with your significant other. Don't leave any room for someone to slip in and do better than you. As humans, we lose interest quickly. You must do all that you can to keep your honey happy, interested and satisfied. Everyone wants to feel special and needed therefore It's your job to keep giving your love that feeling of being desired. Because, there is always a side piece lurking on the outskirts waiting for you to slip up and snatch up what's yours. No matter how long you're together, always go super hard for the one you love.

The Chronicles of Bee Darling... My Opinions, My Stories, My Bullshit!

Dope Chick... Crystal Stoute

Of course I'm featuring my amazing business partner and friend as my first "Dope Chick". Duh, why wouldn't I. *flips hair*

Crystal Stoute, a phenomenal woman and friend. 

Super exciting story follows... Keep reading. 

I first met Crys about 7 or 8 years ago when I was a party animal and an addicted to clubbing 7 days a week. Crystal is by far one of the best NYC club connoisseurs ever, and I'm not just saying that. Her fashion sense, ability to decipher the movers and shakers and her West Indian "take no shit" attitude, allows her to be a force that's not to be fucked with. 

After a few years of seeing her manhandling the NYC club scene I decided to speak. It's only right to be polite with someone you see so often. However, Miss Stoute wanted nothing to do with my "Hello's". No matter how often I smiled and greeted her, I would receive a blank stare and an occasional rolling of the eyes. For some reason I continued to greet her.

One night, after far too many drinks, I said "Goodnight" to Crystal as I was exiting the club. I recieved her usual "I am not interested" stare, and due to the ridiculous amount of Patron I consumed that night, I got all the way in my feelings and yelled out something unkind to her, then left. 

The next night, as I arrive to yet another club, Crystal wasted no time and asked "What did you say yesterday?". I thought to myself, Uh oh ... But, after a brief and very mature conversation, we decided to squash it and start over... That was the beginning of one of my most cherished friendships. 

Fast forward a few years and I can truly say I admire this woman. She works so hard and almost non stop. She is fabulous in the way she carries herself and demands respect. Her fashion sense and stylish  choices give me goosebumps. She's a family woman who goes to bat for her loved ones. And astly, she is the type of friend I'd pay top dollar to keep. The type of friend girls pray for. So genuine and sincere and always in  your corner. Crystal is what I like to call "one of the real ones". Something we can't say often these days.

A few years later I approached Crystal with a business proposal and being the optimistic opportunist that she is, she jumped right aboard. Once again proving to me how astounding she truly is.

I adore this girl!

A year later we are business owners, pahtnahs (as we like to jokingly say) and FRIENDS.
How cool is that.

My first "Dope Chick", and rightfully so, is Crystal Stoute, a phenomenal woman and friend.

Situationships... Am I Single Or Taken?

 

 My first blog post for the New Year,, I thought I'd make it count by addressing what most of my peers are talking about... 

Situationships!!!

 My simple definition of situationship is a relationship that doesn't have a title or definition but should due to the type of activities that take place in said relationship. 

So you met someone. They are cool enough to go on a few dates. You get along great and decide to get intimate and have sex. The sex is so bomb, you begin staying over very often. A few months go by and you are now food shopping and cleaning the apartment together. You then begin spending holidays together. Everyone knows you're a couple... But you!!! 

This is the new wave of relationships and I hate it. 

This kind of relationship is mostly empty and meaningless. Often leaving one or both parties confused and frustrated. Almost always ending in heartbreak and anger. 

I'll tell you how I got out of my situationship and in to a defined and meaningful relationship. 

COMMUNICATION!!!

Is he mine? Am I his? Are we together? Can I date someone else? Is he dating someone else? Does he want a future with me? What are we doing?

All questions I constantly asked myself in my situationship. I drove my bestfriend crazy with these questions. No matter how much he said "Just ask him Bahiyah", I refused. My pride said "fuck that, let him ask me". My frustrations said "he doesn't deserve me anyway". My emotional side said "why doesn't he like me". And my thug side said "I don't want that dude anyway". All of which left me frustrated, confused and angry. 

Instead of just simply communicating and asking, I instead decided to fall back and start separating myself (CLASSIC MISTAKE!!). I was too pig headed and stuck in my ways to make an effort with a man that I truly adored. A man that was everything I asked for. A man that I loved. 

Thank God I put my pride aside and finally decided to communicate and talk, and lord was it worth it. I ended up in a very healthy and loving relationship with lots of communication and compromise. It's not perfect but it's much better. It's not some juvenile situationship. It's now a mature adult relationship. 

My advice to all of you in situationships, (don't deny it, you know who you are), is to communicate. If you're confused, ask questions. If you're frustrated, speak up. As adults, we have no more time to waste on empty relationships. If you and your "companion" are not on the same page then move on. Get with someone with the same future goals and aspirations and lock them in. Be sure to communicate. And lastly, please remember, this is your life and if your companion doesn't want to communicate or plan for the future with you, drop them and run! 

You deserve to have exactly what you want.