One Of The Best Days of My Life ... Wait For It!!

Hey loves. It's been a month since I've blogged. Sometimes it takes me a while to write to you guys because I am painfully shy and I truly can't believe I share so much with you. Sometimes I get so shy and I crawl back in to my shell and tuck my shell away in a dark cave... but I'm back with a juicy story and a life lesson. 

Keep reading!! 

So, I wanna tell you guys about one of the best days of my life... The day I divorced my ex husband.  

3 years of marriage and I truly didn't realize how unhappy I was until I left. Us women tend to "make the most" of situations and don't even realize how much of ourselves we are sacrificing and changing,, ultimately resulting in a person we don't even recognize or know anymore. That was my case. 

Before marrying said ex husband, I was a devout and straight laced muslimah. I was in the masjid every single day, and wouldn't leave until I prayed Isha (the 5th and last required daily prayer for muslims). I studied and went to classes. I dressed the part, never showing my stuff off (method man voice). I was happy, felt beautiful, and felt as though I was exactly where I belonged. 

After a year of marriage I gained 100 pounds, my hair fell out, my skin was atrocious, I was sad and angry all the time, I stopped studying, started losing my faith, stopped going to the masjid, slowed down my prayers, and even worse I suddenly became sick all the time (aches, pains, colds and flu, and lots more). I looked in the mirror and would cry at what I saw. I ultimately became a very angry person. I was a nightmare to my husband and anyone around me. It was safe to say I was completely miserable. 

I had a feeling it was the marriage but it was hard to see clearly as I kept lying to myself and started believing my lies that "my husband was a good man".

One day, I got in from work and out of concern for my deen/religion, I asked him "why don't we pray anymore?", this asshole responds and says "I pray every day, in the bedroom, without you"... I was divorced within 15 minutes from the moment he said those words. 

It was like every evil thing he did and was doing became extremely visible in that moment. I couldn't believe the man I called my husband for 3 years was sneaking away and praying without me. *for all non muslims, this is a major no no and considered extremely wrong and disrespectful*... It was then that I realized all the damage I ALLOWED him to do. I got fat and ugly and my hair fell out and I was sad and miserable and suddenly mean and worst of all, I lost my religion. My beloved Islam was no longer in my heart. I was livid!! 

After the divorce I WAS SOOOOOO HAPPY. I was skipping around and smiling and laughing and I was kind and considerate. I lost 60 pounds immediately, my skin cleared up and my hair started growing. I looked fucking good. I felt absolutely amazing. I couldn't believe I was in such a dark and clouded situation. 

Unfortunately my passion and love for Islam never truly returned. Although I still practice and consider myself Muslim, the things my ex did made me look at Muslim men different. It made me look at brothers and sisters in Islam differently. It made me question everything. How could a man who spent his entire life studying Islam and spent most of his days and nights in the masjid be so cruel and inconsiderate? How could my in-laws treat me so cold and mean when they were also devout muslims? Although I am smart enough to know all muslims aren't the same, and Muslims should not determine how one looks at Islam as a religion, it still left a bad taste in my mouth. I was born Muslim but never truly practiced until I was 30. I fell in love with Islam and every single detail. But they ruined my flawless perception of what I considered Islam and Muslims to be. *To all the Muslims reading this, my apologies, I am simply being honest*

Although I lost my passion for Islam due to my marriage, I've gained Bahiyah back after my divorce. I haven't been this passionate about love and life in years. I exercise daily and feel fit and fabulous. I eat better so I feel healthier. My hair is fuller than its been in 3 years. My skin is glowing. I am in a committed and loving relationship with someone who clearly knows my worth. I am HAPPY!!! 

I say alllll of that to say... Don't waste your years and sanity on an empty relationship that's going nowhere fast. Don't let desperation for a relationship/marriage/companionship allow you to lose all that you love including yourself. We all know how good it feels to have a significant other but we need to get familiar with how good it feels to love ourselves and go hard for ourselves and to put us FIRST!!  So many of my sisters and some brothers are so miserable and stagnated. Stuck. Lost. Ugly fat and pimple faced. All for what we think is love. 

The happiest day of my life was walking away from that man and our marriage. Go ahead and make that choice, if necessary, and also experience the happiest day of your life. 

My Stories, My Opinions, My Bullshit...

The Chronicles of Bee Darling!

P.S. I write these stories because I needed these stories throughout life. I write these stories because I get 51946329 emails after I post screaming "Thank You Bee, I needed that".

I write these stories for my sisters, brothers, friends, family and enemies so they don't have to go through what I've been through and can make better decisions than me. 

That is all

Side Chicks and Side Dudes... Why They Are Currently Winning!

We see it everywhere we look. The side dudes and side chicks are on the come up and are totally winning these days,,, IF that's what you consider winning. *the shade*

Back in the days, being someone's "side piece" was a hidden secret thing that brought shame to the said side piece. These days it's a totally different ball game. Side pieces are actually replacing spouses and families. Side pieces are not only becoming a permanent fixture in the life of the cheater, but they are now becoming the spouses and getting the houses, cars and vacations. Smmfh. 

But, this isn't the obvious bashing of the side piece post. This post will, instead, shed light on why the side pieces are now in high demand and are getting EVERYTHING. 

You fools aren't doing your jobs!!! 

Side pieces are winning because they are ready and willing to please the cheater by any means necessary. They go above and beyond to satisfy the said cheater. Making the cheater happy is their main goal. While the spouse or "main piece" has gotten comfortable and lazy with their title. No longer doing everything possible to keep their spouse satisfied, getting sloppy and fat, no more surprises to keep your honey excited and interested. These cheaters sometimes feel backed in to a corner that only a side piece can get them out of. Some side pieces even put themselves in danger by participating in illegal activities. Anything to please and be in favor of the cheater. 

Let me get a little more detailed and give you a personal example (I'm always throwing myself under the bus to help you guys out lol)... So, I was in a relationship for over 5 years with my boyfriend at the time. He was so perfect in the 1st few years. Always telling me I'm beautiful, taking me all over town to wine and dine me, taking me on adventures to other cities, giving me the most amazing sex and constantly reassuring me that he had my back always. A few years in and all of these things slowed down dramatically. I continued to love him the same, but he fell off more and more. I began feeling unworthy and unappreciated. It caused arguments and what I like to call "scars on the relationship". After 5 years together, we hardly romanced eachother or even spoke to each other much. We loved eachother very much but I don't think we liked eachother that much anymore. No matter how much I tried, he was comfortable and assumed that since I was "his" he had nothing to worry about. I started going out more and getting the attention that I lacked at home. I met a friend, also known as, a side piece. He reminded me how beautiful I was, how worthy of love I was, how smart I was, how desired I was. My side piece took me places and showed me things. He taught me things, protected me and supported me. He was my everything! Something my man forgot to be ... Needless to say, I didn't end up with either one of them. Messy situations never work out in the end. 

*Note: It's always best to make yourself feel amazing so that your not expecting it from someone else*

I say that to say, STAY ON POINT with your significant other. Don't leave any room for someone to slip in and do better than you. As humans, we lose interest quickly. You must do all that you can to keep your honey happy, interested and satisfied. Everyone wants to feel special and needed therefore It's your job to keep giving your love that feeling of being desired. Because, there is always a side piece lurking on the outskirts waiting for you to slip up and snatch up what's yours. No matter how long you're together, always go super hard for the one you love.

The Chronicles of Bee Darling... My Opinions, My Stories, My Bullshit!

Dope Chick... Crystal Stoute

Of course I'm featuring my amazing business partner and friend as my first "Dope Chick". Duh, why wouldn't I. *flips hair*

Crystal Stoute, a phenomenal woman and friend. 

Super exciting story follows... Keep reading. 

I first met Crys about 7 or 8 years ago when I was a party animal and an addicted to clubbing 7 days a week. Crystal is by far one of the best NYC club connoisseurs ever, and I'm not just saying that. Her fashion sense, ability to decipher the movers and shakers and her West Indian "take no shit" attitude, allows her to be a force that's not to be fucked with. 

After a few years of seeing her manhandling the NYC club scene I decided to speak. It's only right to be polite with someone you see so often. However, Miss Stoute wanted nothing to do with my "Hello's". No matter how often I smiled and greeted her, I would receive a blank stare and an occasional rolling of the eyes. For some reason I continued to greet her.

One night, after far too many drinks, I said "Goodnight" to Crystal as I was exiting the club. I recieved her usual "I am not interested" stare, and due to the ridiculous amount of Patron I consumed that night, I got all the way in my feelings and yelled out something unkind to her, then left. 

The next night, as I arrive to yet another club, Crystal wasted no time and asked "What did you say yesterday?". I thought to myself, Uh oh ... But, after a brief and very mature conversation, we decided to squash it and start over... That was the beginning of one of my most cherished friendships. 

Fast forward a few years and I can truly say I admire this woman. She works so hard and almost non stop. She is fabulous in the way she carries herself and demands respect. Her fashion sense and stylish  choices give me goosebumps. She's a family woman who goes to bat for her loved ones. And astly, she is the type of friend I'd pay top dollar to keep. The type of friend girls pray for. So genuine and sincere and always in  your corner. Crystal is what I like to call "one of the real ones". Something we can't say often these days.

A few years later I approached Crystal with a business proposal and being the optimistic opportunist that she is, she jumped right aboard. Once again proving to me how astounding she truly is.

I adore this girl!

A year later we are business owners, pahtnahs (as we like to jokingly say) and FRIENDS.
How cool is that.

My first "Dope Chick", and rightfully so, is Crystal Stoute, a phenomenal woman and friend.

Situationships... Am I Single Or Taken?

 

 My first blog post for the New Year,, I thought I'd make it count by addressing what most of my peers are talking about... 

Situationships!!!

 My simple definition of situationship is a relationship that doesn't have a title or definition but should due to the type of activities that take place in said relationship. 

So you met someone. They are cool enough to go on a few dates. You get along great and decide to get intimate and have sex. The sex is so bomb, you begin staying over very often. A few months go by and you are now food shopping and cleaning the apartment together. You then begin spending holidays together. Everyone knows you're a couple... But you!!! 

This is the new wave of relationships and I hate it. 

This kind of relationship is mostly empty and meaningless. Often leaving one or both parties confused and frustrated. Almost always ending in heartbreak and anger. 

I'll tell you how I got out of my situationship and in to a defined and meaningful relationship. 

COMMUNICATION!!!

Is he mine? Am I his? Are we together? Can I date someone else? Is he dating someone else? Does he want a future with me? What are we doing?

All questions I constantly asked myself in my situationship. I drove my bestfriend crazy with these questions. No matter how much he said "Just ask him Bahiyah", I refused. My pride said "fuck that, let him ask me". My frustrations said "he doesn't deserve me anyway". My emotional side said "why doesn't he like me". And my thug side said "I don't want that dude anyway". All of which left me frustrated, confused and angry. 

Instead of just simply communicating and asking, I instead decided to fall back and start separating myself (CLASSIC MISTAKE!!). I was too pig headed and stuck in my ways to make an effort with a man that I truly adored. A man that was everything I asked for. A man that I loved. 

Thank God I put my pride aside and finally decided to communicate and talk, and lord was it worth it. I ended up in a very healthy and loving relationship with lots of communication and compromise. It's not perfect but it's much better. It's not some juvenile situationship. It's now a mature adult relationship. 

My advice to all of you in situationships, (don't deny it, you know who you are), is to communicate. If you're confused, ask questions. If you're frustrated, speak up. As adults, we have no more time to waste on empty relationships. If you and your "companion" are not on the same page then move on. Get with someone with the same future goals and aspirations and lock them in. Be sure to communicate. And lastly, please remember, this is your life and if your companion doesn't want to communicate or plan for the future with you, drop them and run! 

You deserve to have exactly what you want. 

Pet Peeves: Shit I Don't Like!

While browsing Instagram today, I saw a bunch of stuff that just grinds my gears! Why not speak on them. 

This list is in no particular order. 

* People Who Don't Mind Their Business...

Now, I'm all for stalking an instagram page or 2, or 3 and I'll even participate in a little harmless gossip with the besties, but I don't get why some people care so much about the next person and what they are doing in their lives. What pisses me off the most is when I see it on social networks. Why do you care if that woman's apartment is dirty? Why do you care that that man is dating 2 women? Why do you care that someone shops all the time? Why in the hell do you care if the next man is broke? Mind yo business!! And if you're just plain ol nosey, do it in privacy. Don't broadcast how nosey and concerned you are about the next persons life. 

* Mean People...

Be nice. Putting people down because you have more than them says so much more about you and your ugly insecurities. Making fun of someone because they don't fit your ideal of what perfect is is just plain ol disgusting. Watching a pregnant woman or elderly person shift back and forth in discomfort on public transportation while you sit comfortably is just horrible. A mean person is truly just battling with their unhappiness and lashes out on those around them because they are miserable. Take some time to figure out where your anger and unhappiness is coming from. Once you find happiness you will spread happiness. Be nice! 

* Borrowing/Begging... 

I'm not sure if it's my pride or how nasty people can be when you owe them but I'm not asking anyone for shit. As an adult it's embarrassing. No grown up should be begging and borrowing before they try to do for themselves. It grinds my gears to see a grown man or woman asking for "a couple dollars". Go be productive and get your own. If you've exhausted all of your options and must ask for help then so be it but please, stop looking for hand outs and get your shit together. 

*Fake Friends...

Just stop. Smiling in his or her face one day and talking shit about them the next is for the juveniles. Carrying on fake friendships are major burdens. Always having to pretend like you really like them and are interested in what they have to say can become a full time job. It's ok to grow apart from our friends. Some people just end up going in different directions. Some mature faster than their friends. We are old enough and mature enough to take someone to the side and say "hey, it's just not working out any more". You can still be cordial and friendly but please stop calling people you don't really like your bestie/bff. Just stop. 

*Down Low Men... 

In this case,  a "down low man" would be a man who is publicly claiming to be straight/heterosexual but he is really bisexual and sleeping with men secretly *side eye* ... Lord, this issue makes me dizzy and nauseous. Don't do that shit, nasty!!!  These days, being gay or bisexual is accepted by most, including myself. Some of my very best friends are gay. So stop creeping around lying to women and putting them in danger just because you want your cake and eat it too (Smh, at those visuals). Just be honest. There are a lot of freaky girls that love that bisexual stuff. Find someone who accepts you for you and have fun instead of lying and hiding. Be honest! 

* Girly/Feminine Men...

This is MY list of MY pet peeves (not yours)  and I do not like feminine men!! I was born Muslim and raised in Brooklyn so I'm a bit extreme when it comes to girly boys. That feminine shit doesn't work for me. Getting femme mani pedis, gossiping, crying all the time, having women take care of you, constantly worrying about how you look, whining and complaining. No no no!  I don't even like men that dance or laugh too much. Just come out the closet and switch teams already. Leave us good women to the real men. Or Man up! 

* Adults with Bad Grammar...

As a sapiosexual and lover of intelligence and knowledge, I just can not stand bad grammar or bad English. My grammar isn't perfect but it still grinds my gears to hear or see it from others. I suggest you utilize spell check and google as much as possible because it's not cute and it annoys my soul. 

* Bad Kids/Bad Parents...

I don't care I don't care!! Get yo bad ass kids before I do. Bad parenting is at an all time high. Your 7 year old cursing like a sailor, your daughter twerking like a pro, your baby calling grandma mommy and calling mommy by her first name. You are creating our next generation. Be mindful how you raise these children. They are literally our future. 

* The American Way... 

The rich getting richer, poor getting poorer, cops murdering, ghettos underdeveloped, media brainwashing, evil sacrifices for the dollar, uneducated, unfair, unGodly, wicked, selfish, materialistic. So disgustingly systematic. So evil. So scary. America!! 

* Muscle Women and Men... 

I don't like it. It looks scary and unnatural. All those veins and muscles. Women looking hard. Men looking swollen. It's unattractive to me. Just NO. 

* Booty Models & Hoes... 

Fake asses and tits everywhere on the net and TV. I literally cringe when I pass a beautiful womans page and all u see are half naked pictures. Nothing left for surprise. Nothing left exclusively for your man? For me, when I see it, I see a person desperate for attention and "likes" by any means necessary. Seeking acceptance through social media attention. That's dangerous. Learn to offer more than just your looks and body... I just don't like it. 

* Materialistic People... 

We all know Bahiyah loves her Gucci, Prada and Chanel. I have been collecting Vogue magazines from the age of 13, and couture truly gives me goosebumps. I am not speaking of fashion and style lovers like myself. I am speaking of those folks who allow labels to define them and how they treat people. Rocking a Chanel bag and a bad ass pair of Louboutin pumps make these people feel like they are above and beyond any other. Looking down on others is just mean and, again, says a lot about your dirty character. Be humble and give back when you can. You never know when you'll run out of luck and end up on the less fortunate side of things. 

* Grown Ups Who Can't  Grow Up... 

Certain things are for certain age groups. There is a very good reason why we don't see 90 year old grannies in Daisy Duke cut offs and why we don't see infants going to clubs. Learn your lane and stay in it. I am especially speaking on women who fight in the street after puberty. And men over 30 who still hang out with their buddys all night smoking and drinking. Or the adult mother who still ends up in the club 4 to 5 nights a week. Elevate your taste and grow up. 

* Side Chicks... 

Listen, I understand sometimes shit happens. But I need every side chick to put yourself in a wife or "main chicks" shoes. Be mindful that you would never want the love of your life cheating on you. There are far too many to choose from for anyone to willingly destroy a person's heart like that. That shit hurts. Keep that in mind when you are sleeping with the next woman's man. Just stop it, nasty! 

Take some of these things in to consideration. I am not perfect or judging. I've also been guilty of many, if not all, of my very own pet peeves. But we learn, and we grow. I wish I had access to a list like this, from one of my respected peers,, so I've written one for you. 

The Chronicles of Bee Darling. 

Thanksgiving: Why Are We Celebrating the Genocide of Native Americans!!

Yes hunty, I am about to throw major shade on your stupid meaningless holiday. 

Even as a young child I never understood these weird American holidays, especially Thanksgiving. And believe it or not, it has nothing to do with being Muslim. It has everything to do with common sense!

Stop following EVERYTHING blindly, without knowledge and research!!!! 

So many of you (myself included at one point) have been celebrating these evil and sick holidays and don't even know what it is you are celebrating. Some of you are upset and want me to shut up because of your family traditions as well as the amazing times and memories we have. But our memories and traditions do not erase the fact that we are celebrating the genocide of an entire people,  The American Indians. 

After the European terrorists succeeded in violently robbing the Indians of their land, with their infamous leader Christopher Columbus, they had a feast to celebrate their victory. This feast and celebration is what we call "Thanksgiving". How sick and fucking twisted is that. What really blows my mind is that we have been celebrating this murderous holiday for centuries without even asking or investigating what it is. Humans are such senseless followers. It's disgusting. 

The same thing goes for Christmas, Easter and dumb ass Halloween. Have you really taken time to research these deeply wicked "holidays"? 

I totally understand wanting to hold on to age old family traditions. Thanksgiving, in a black household, was absolutely something to remember. Our granny who made every dish with an abundance of love, our auntie who always won the dance contest, the drunk uncle who told the best stories, the amazing outfits, the family time and the yummiest selection of food that would give anyone the itis and days worth of leftovers. Mmmmmm!! ... 

But fuck that, it's time to stop blindly following these idiotic holidays and start thinking for ourselves. 

Let's celebrate a day of genuine thanks one month earlier, on October 26th, each year from now on. A day dedicated to eating with our families while being thankful for them. Not a day celebrating the murder of an entire race. We don't have to give up our traditions but we certainly need to adjust what we are celebrating and why we are celebrating it. 

My message is to stop allowing people and things to think for you. Do your research and stop blindly following everything. Next thing we know, we will be celebrating a black slavery holiday called Nigger Day and no one will even take to time to ask what it is. We will just celebrate because we are told to? Smh. 

And wait, there is more. We have the nerve to spend all of our hard working money on materialistic things the very next day while arguing and beating eachother up like fools on what they call "Black Friday". Smmfh. 

We gotta do better folks. 

Good Eats: Butter and Garlic Shrimp Pasta

Hey loves... I'm sharing one of my quickest and yummiest meals with you. This takes 20 to 30 minutes and it's sooooo flavorful. 

Bahiyahs lazy Butter & Garlic Shrimp Pasta ...

 I usually start with boiling a whole box of thin linguine in a large pot. 

As the pasta boils, I take a large frying pan and throw in some red onions, pickled red peppers, fresh minced garlic, crushed red pepper flakes and a generous amount of butter (lots of butter). I cook these ingredients until the onions are translucent. 

I then throw some cooked or non cooked shrimps in the pan with the onions, pickled red peppers, garlic, butter and crushed red pepper flakes. 

On a very low fire, I allow the shrimp mixture to cook. 

As the shrimps cook on a low fire I go back to the boiling pasta and strain the water out. 

In the pasta pot I add another generous amount of butter, garlic powder and chopped cilantro. 

I mix it all together until mixed just right. 

The shrimp mixture only takes a few minutes to cook and should be done by now. 

*pause*

What you should now have is a pot of  linguine with  butter, garlic powder and cilantro. 

And

 a pan of shrimps with butter, red onions, pickled red peppers, minced fresh garlic and crushed red pepper flakes. 

*ok continue*

Take the entire pan of the juicy shrimp mixture and pour it on top on the linguine mixture and voila!

Sprinkle a little more cilantro on top as a garnish and make your favorite veggies as a side.

Easy, quick, yummy!!